It’s not romantic, but I try to ascertain their attachment style before I embark on anything with a man, even casually. If they have an avoidant style, I know they will just cause me (and my anxious attachment style) a world of pain. So *I* avoid *them*, even though — more often than not — they are highly attractive for any number of reasons. Once they pass that hurdle, my next question is: how can this man add value to my already rich and full and interesting and lovely life? Would it surprise you to learn that I am still single…?! (There are much worse things.)

Australian writer recently returned from 4 years living in Vietnam. Editor of Vox Virtus and Abroadingly. Blogs at and

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store